Medical Gaslighting

Worse Than Not Being Heard

There is something deeply distressing about knowing that something isn't right with your child, seeking professional help, and walking away feeling as though your concerns have been dismissed.

I have lost count of the number of parents who describe being dismissed, unheard, and told they are outright wrong about their own child.

These parents describe changes in their child's behaviour, persistent gastrointestinal symptoms, disrupted sleep, developmental regression or unexplained distress. Yet instead of having their concerns explored, they are told:

• "That's just autism."

• "All children do that."

• "You're worrying too much."

• "There's nothing medically wrong."

• "It's behavioural."

  
  

Sometimes, that is where the conversation ends. Often it results in a prescription. The parent pays their ridiculously high fee for a 10 or 15 minute appointment and walks out embarrassed, ashamed, or infuriated. For some parents, this happens repeatedly. Occasionally, a parent, desperate for answers, receives an unwanted referral to a psychologist to assess their own mental health. Seriously.

But what happens when the parent is right?

What is medical gaslighting?

Medical gaslighting is a term used to describe situations in which a person's symptoms or health concerns are dismissed, minimised or invalidated by a healthcare professional, potentially causing them to question their own observations and judgement. It can involve being repeatedly reassured that nothing is wrong despite ongoing symptoms, having physical complaints attributed to anxiety without adequate assessment, or feeling that actual, legitimate concerns are being treated as an overreaction.

Not knowing the answer is very different from dismissing the question.

We have a problem in our healthcare system. We have been taught that doctors are supposed to hold the answers. But they are only taught one model of care at university, so that they provide pharmaceutical or surgical options to the management of symptoms. Now, I'm not against the appropriate use of pharmaceuticals. Quite the opposite, in fact. They've been lifesaving in many situations. But the current medical system lacks knowledge in many other areas of health. Especially chronic health conditions such as autism.

When everything is attributed to autism

One of the most concerning patterns in healthcare is the tendency to attribute a child's physical symptoms, emotional distress or behavioural changes entirely to their autism diagnosis. This is sometimes referred to as diagnostic overshadowing.

Diagnostic overshadowing occurs when symptoms of a separate medical condition are incorrectly attributed to an existing diagnosis, potentially delaying recognition and treatment. It is very well known that children with autism can experience constipation, abdominal pain, sleep disorders, OCD, anxiety, sensory disorders, nutritional deficiencies, underlying infections, seizures and more. These aren't "just autism". They are symptoms of deeper biochemical imbalances. A child who cannot communicate pain verbally might express their discomfort through agitation, aggression, self-injurious behaviour, withdrawal or changes in sleep. Sensory and communication differences can also make conventional medical assessments more challenging.

Autism should never become a reason to stop asking clinical questions.

Think of the child who suddenly starts waking in the middle of the night (sometimes staying awake for 4 or 5 hours, returning to sleep just in time for other family members to start getting ready for school). We know this isn't normal, but is this "just autism"? Or could that child also be experiencing dental pain, severe constipation, reflux, an ear infection or something else? The behaviour is observable. The underlying cause may not be. Behaviour is a form of communication, but it is not a diagnosis.

Parents notice things that clinicians may never see

A medical appointment provides a very brief snapshot into a child's life. Parents see a much bigger picture. They notice the subtle changes in sleep, appetite, bowel habits, communication, behaviour and movement. It is the parent who will notice when something is off or doesn't seem right. A parent who is reporting that a dramatic change occurred overnight is providing essential clinical information.

That information deserves to be heard, documented, and seriously considered in clinical decision making.

Parents should not have to become experts in medicine simply to have their child's symptoms taken seriously. There's something profoundly wrong when parents feel they need to research medical literature, understand biochemical pathways, interpret pathology results and learn clinical terminology just to advocate effectively for their child. And the irony is that when they do become exceptionally knowledgeable, they can sometimes be dismissed for that, too. Believe me, I know this to my core.

The Impact of Medical Gaslighting on Families

Medical dismissal can have consequences extending well beyond a frustrating appointment. For some families, it contributes to delayed diagnosis or treatment. For others, it creates a growing reluctance to engage with healthcare services. Parents may stop raising concerns because previous experiences have taught them that doing so leads absolutely nowhere. Some begin seeking answers through multiple practitioners, private investigations or online communities, sometimes at considerable financial and emotional cost. Others become increasingly distrustful of conventional healthcare. Understandably so.

The emotional impact should not be underestimated either. Parents of children with complex needs are often managing enormous responsibilities. They may already be seriously sleep-deprived, have to navigate very challenging behaviours and multiple appointments. A recurring fear is the uncertainty about their child's future, especially once they are no longer here to care for them. Having legitimate concerns dismissed only adds to this distress.

And perhaps most concerning is the possibility that a parent eventually stops asking questions, not because the problem has resolved, but because they no longer believe anyone will listen. This is so deeply concerning because they may miss critical opportunities to help their child's brain development.

Children deserve to be seen beyond their diagnosis

At Brain Kids, my approach involves looking carefully at the child's broader health history, identifying patterns that may warrant further assessment and working collaboratively with other healthcare professionals where appropriate. I believe that parents are the true experts in their child's life and they bring extremely valuable knowledge to the clinical relationship. Their observations deserve respect, even when the explanation is not immediately apparent. This does not mean every concern will lead to a diagnosis, or that every investigation will reveal an abnormality. It means approaching complex presentations with curiosity rather than assumptions.

Because families deserve thoughtful assessment, clear communication and the confidence that their concerns have been genuinely heard and considered.

Every question is worth asking.

Amanda Downsborough, BSc, PGDip, MSc, FMAPS

Functional & Nutrigenomic Medicine Practitioner

Brain Kids – www.brainkids.com.au

Amanda Downsborough is a Functional and Nutrigenomic Medicine Practitioner specialising in autism, PANS/PANDAS and child neurodevelopment. With over 20 years of experience in child health and advanced training in functional medicine, nutrition and neuroimmunology, Amanda takes an individualised approach to investigating the underlying biomedical factors influencing children's health, behaviour and development.

Disclaimer

This information is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended as a

substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a

qualified healthcare provider with any questions regarding a medical condition or before

making changes to your or your child’s care plan.